


Someone Changed the Group Chat Name Again

by CCs_World



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bureau of Balance but they're all best friends, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Humor, M/M, a bunch of goofs basically, but with a little bit of emotion thrown in just for kicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 07:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12859515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CCs_World/pseuds/CCs_World
Summary: Taako struggles.Lup insults.Barry is blackmailed.Merle is ridiculed.Davenport is removed from the chat.Magnus gets into a fight.Lucretia learns to swear.Carey keeps learning things she doesn't want to learn.Killian is only there because Magnus asked her to.And Kravitz accidentally gets a date.





	Someone Changed the Group Chat Name Again

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops this was created entirely by accident.  
> Shoutout to the TAZ discord for their amazing feedback and inspiration!

**Conversation: sideburns burnsides + rufftuffdragon**

**sideburns burnsides:** i’m gonna ask julia for her number today  
10:06 am

 **rufftuffdragon:** no wAY  
10:06 am

 **sideburns burnsides:** YES WAY! im super nervous  
10:07 am

 **rufftuffdragon:** i’ll go ahead n buy ur coffin  
10:07 am

 **sideburns burnsides:** i’ll be fine, i know it  
10:07 am

 **rufftuffdragon:** if u say so my dude  
10:08 am

* * *

**Group: The Adventure Zone**

**flipwizard:** there has been a Development in recent team news  
3:01 pm

 **lups on fire:** damn right there has  
3:08 pm

 **flipwizard:** our team officially has a battle-scarred hero  
3:09 pm

**flipwizard changed the group name to: The Bureau of Badassery**

**The Director** **™** **:** Taako why did you do this  
3:12 pm

 **flipwizard:** magnus just got into a fight  
3:12 pm

 **flipwizard:** i thought it fit  
3:12 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Magnus got in a _fight_  
3:13 pm

 **flipwizard:** hell yeah he did, it was lit  
3:14 pm

 **lups on fire:** [sent 7 photos]  
3:17 pm

 **lups on fire:** [sent a video]  
3:17 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** ...hot diggety shit  
3:21 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** i’m fnie guys d on’t wory  
3:24 pm

 **lups on fire:** like hell u are, u have 2 black eyes m dude  
3:25 pm

 **flipwizard:** nice win there btw ;)  
3:26 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** i wasn’t ex pectign her to baet me up  
3:27 pm

 **flipwizard:** u were askin for it dude  
3:28 pm

 **lups on fire:** u were askin for it dude  
3:28 pm

 **lups on fire:** NICE  
3:28 pm

 **flipwizard:** NICE  
3:29 pm

 **flipwizard:** u really shouldn’t say things like that to pretty girls w big muscles  
3:29 pm

 **lups on fire:** honestly what were u thinking  
3:30 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** i was thniking she was pretty, i just wnated her numbr  
3:31 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** how should u ask a girl for her numbre anyway  
3:31 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** apparenlty u can’t just say ‘hey can i have ur numberr’ anymre  
3:32 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** why are girls so complicated  
3:32 pm

 **lups on fire:** it’s bc too many guys r creepy to us, u can’t trust anyone  
3:33 pm

 **flipwizard:** PREACH IT SIS  
3:34 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** Lup you’re one to talk  
3:36 pm

 **lups on fire:** listen dork, ur too nerdy n awkward to be untrustworthy  
3:37 pm

 **lups on fire:** ur soft n squishy  
3:37 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** I’m not sure if I should be insulted or flattered  
3:38 pm

 **flipwizard:** don’t think too hard abt it  
3:39 pm

 **dadnport:** Magnus got in a _fight?_ _  
_ 3:44 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** sorry dadnport  
3:45 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** i saw a pretty girl n panicked  
3:45 pm

 **flipwizard:** if it hadn’t looked so painful i’d say it was hilarious  
3:46 pm

 **flipwizard:** scratch that  
3:46 pm

 **flipwizard:** i thought it was hilarious  
3:46 pm

 **flipwizard:** u should have seen her _face_ when mag just _asked for her number_ _  
_ 3:47 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** guyyyyyys it’s not that funny  
3:48 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** my face hurts  
3:52 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** Just put some ice on it and go lie down  
3:53 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** i put some ice on it but i’m too busy playing fallout 4  
3:57 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** NICE I’m real jealous now.  
3:59 pm

 **flipwizard:** fallout4 is for losers come play overwatch like a real gamer  
4:00 pm

 **lups on fire:** listen to my brother he knows what he’s talking about  
4:01 pm

* * *

**Conversation: lups on fire + flipwizard**

**flipwizard:** hOLY SHIT  
4:01 pm

 **lups on fire:** wHAT  
4:06 pm

 **flipwizard:** i just saw the hottest guy  
4:07 pm

 **lups on fire:** did u say hi  
4:08 pm

 **flipwizard:** i cannot function in society  
4:08 pm

 **flipwizard:** of fuckin course not lulu i suck at talking to hunks of man meat  
4:09 pm

 **lups on fire:** you’re never gonna get laid if you keep referring to them as ‘hunks of man meat’  
4:10 pm

 **flipwizard:** u have referred to barold j bluejeans as such many times before and u have gotten laid how many times lulu  
4:11 pm

 **lups on fire:** don’t call me that koko  
4:12 pm

 **lups on fire:** also don’t call me out like that what the fuck  
4:12 pm

 **lups on fire:** u have to show them respect first. then start calling them man meat. after u know they like u  
4:13 pm

 **flipwizard:** i just want a one night stand lulu  
4:14 pm

 **lups on fire:** not in our apartment you’re not  
4:15 pm

 **flipwizard:** what so u just want me to go to some strange man’s house for a night  
4:16 pm

 **flipwizard:** i might never return lulu  
4:16 pm

 **flipwizard:** u might never see ur onliest twin brother ever again  
4:16 pm

 **lups on fire:** i can support this  
4:17 pm

 **flipwizard:** i can’t believe this  
4:17 pm

 **flipwizard:** betrayed by my only sister  
4:18 pm

 **flipwizard:** scorned and cast out  
4:18 pm

 **flipwizard:** what a tragic story  
4:18 pm

 **flipwizard:** bards will lament this loss for centuries to come  
4:19 pm

 **lups on fire:** ‘bards’  
4:20 pm

 **lups on fire:** it is the 21st century taako there are no bards  
4:20 pm

 **lups on fire:** when did u start playing dnd  
4:20 pm

 **flipwizard:** i picked it up from ur nerd boyfriend not my fault  
4:21 pm

 **lups on fire:** don’t call barold out like this he is perfect  
4:22 pm

 **flipwizard:** [sent a photo]  
4:23 pm

 **flipwizard:** how perfect is he, hmm?  
4:23 pm

 **flipwizard:** is he… _jerfect_ _  
_ 4:23 pm

 **lups on fire:** wHERE DID YOU GET THAT PHOTO  
4:26 pm

 **lups on fire:** DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW  
4:26 pm

 **lups on fire:** WHAT THE FUCK TAAKO  
4:26 pm

 **flipwizard:** i can hear u screaming in the next room this is perfect  
4:27 pm

* * *

**Conversation: lups on fire + barry jorts bluejeans**

**lups on fire:** bAROLD  
4:26 pm

 **lups on fire:** HONEY  
4:26 pm

 **lups on fire:** SWEETIE  
4:26 pm

 **lups on fire:** DARLING  
4:27 pm

 **lups on fire:** [sent a photo]  
4:27 pm

 **lups on fire:** HOW DID MY BROTHER GET THIS PHOTO  
4:27 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** GOD JESUS CHRIST I HAVE NO IDEA TELL HIM TO DELETE IT  
4:28 pm

 **lups on fire:** I DID HE WON’T LISTEN TO ME THE LITTLE SHIT  
4:29 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** IT IS CURSED  
4:30 pm

 **lups on fire:** JURSED  
4:30 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** NO DON’T SAY THAT  
4:31 pm

 **lups on fire:** says the one with ‘jorts’ in his username  
4:31 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans** changed their name to **barold jay bluejeans**

 **barold jay bluejeans:** not anymore  
4:33 pm

 **lups on fire:** yeah but now it’s boring u gotta change it again  
4:34 pm

 **barold jay bluejeans** changed their name to **its sleepjeans o’clock**

 **its sleepjeans o’clock:** how’s that  
4:36 pm

 **lups on fire** changed their name to **sleepjeans are for losers**

 **its sleepjeans o’clock** changed their name to **sleepjeans are great and you know it**

 **sleepjeans are for losers** changed their name to **fuck you barold**

 **sleepjeans are great and you know it** changed their name to **You already did that**

 **fuck you barold:** there it is, the perfect combination  
4:42 pm

 **You already did that:** Yes, it is wonderful  
4:42 pm

 **You already did that:** Let’s go show it to the group chat  
4:43 pm

 **fuck you barold:** dadnport will kill us  
4:44 pm

 **fuck you barold:** let’s do it  
4:44 pm

* * *

 

**Conversation: barry jorts bluejeans + sizzle it up**

**barry jorts bluejeans:** Delete that photo of me right now Taako  
4:29 pm

 **sizzle it up:** idk what photo ur talking about  
4:29 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** The denim one Taako  
4:30 pm

 **sizzle it up:** OH THAT PHOTO  
4:30 pm

 **sizzle it up:** nah it’s good blackmail material in case you hurt my sister in some way  
4:31 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** Come on Taako how could I even hurt Lup? She’s bigger and stronger than me  
4:31 pm

 **sizzle it up:** u don’t know how many guys have hurt lup, do u?  
4:32 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** What do you mean  
4:33 pm

 **sizzle it up:** my sister is trans. some guys didn’t like that when they figured it out. u see where i’m going with this  
4:34 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** Taako I’m trans too, I’m not gonna hurt her like that  
4:35 pm

 **sizzle it up:** well i’m still keeping this photo just in case barold  
4:35 pm

 **barry jorts bluejeans:** It was worth a shot.  
4:36 pm

* * *

**Group: The Bureau of Badassery**

**fuck you barold:** hey guyssssssss  
4:45 pm

 **You already did that:** What’s up  
4:45 pm

 **flipwizard:** you two are disgusting  
4:46 pm

 **flipwizard:** don’t make me post that photo here  
4:46 pm

 **fuck you barold:** oh my god taako you wouldn’t  
4:47 pm

 **You already did that:** DON’T DO THAT.  
4:48 pm

 **fuck you barold:** @dadnport look what we did  
4:49 pm

 **You already did that:** Yes  @dadnport  please love us  
4:49 pm

 **dadnport:** What the fuck  
4:51 pm

 **fuck you barold:** OH MY GOD  
4:51 pm

 **fuck you barold:** DADNPORT SAID FUCK  
4:51 pm

 **flipwizard:** DADNPORT SAID FUCK!!!!!!  
4:51 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Dadnport said f*ck!  
4:52 pm

 **flipwizard:** let dadnport say fuck 2k17  
4:52 pm

 **flipwizard:** lucretia you ruined it  
4:52 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** I’m sorry  
4:53 pm

 **fuck you barold:** let lucretia say fuck 2k17  
4:54 pm

 **You already did that:** let lucretia say fuck  
4:54 pm

 **flipwizard:** let lucretia say fuck!!!  
4:55 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** let. lucretia. say. Fuck.  
4:55 pm

 **dadnport:** Yes! Let Lucretia say fuck!  
4:56 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Ok here it goes  
4:57 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** F  
4:59 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Fu  
5:02 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Sorry I’m a little nervous.  
5:05 pm

 **flipwizard:** it’s ok take ur time  
5:05 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Thanks  
5:05 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Fuck  
5:11 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Fuck!  
5:12 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck  
5:15 pm

 **flipwizard:** we’ve broken her  
5:16 pm

 **fuck you barold:** now it just looks weird  
5:17 pm

 **fuck you barold:** i have to change my username now  
5:17 pm

 **fuck you barold:** @flipwizard  play along  
5:18 pm

 **fuck you barold** changed their name to **taako**

 **flipwizard** changed their name to **lup**

 **lup:** haha fuckers have fun keeping us apart  
5:20 pm

 **dadnport:** I’ve already given up.  
5:21 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Fuck this.  
5:22 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
5:22 pm

 **taako:** HAHAHA BURN MOTHERFUCKERS BURN  
5:23 pm

 **You already did that** changed their name to **Nerdcromancer**

 **Nerdcromancer:** Please stop this.  
5:25 pm

 **taako** changed their name to **lups opinion**

 **lup** changed their name to **sizzle it up**

 **lups opinion:** sorry babe we had to  
5:27 pm

 **sideburns burnsides** added **Kill-i-man** and **rufftuffdragon** to the chat

 **sideburns burnsides:** i made some new friends!!!!!!  
5:29 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** sup  
5:30 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** yo  
5:30 pm

 **lups opinion:** ??????? magnus what the fuck  
5:31 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** come on lup they’re cool i promise  
5:32 pm

 **lups opinion:** give me one good reason  
5:33 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** they are gay and also dating each other  
5:34 pm

 **lups opinion:** i like them, good choice magnus  
5:34 pm

**sizzle it up changed the group name to: Everyone is gay here get over it**

**sideburns burnsides:** hey! except me!  
5:35 pm

 **sizzle it up:** sorry my dude ur bi  
5:36 pm

 **sizzle it up:** don’t think i didn’t see u and avi making out behind the bleachers last year  
5:36 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** u got me  
5:38 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** you kissed AVI?  
5:39 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** get ittttttttt  
5:39 pm

 **dadnport:** What an unforeseen development.  
5:40 pm

 **plant daddy:** just got off work, wth is going on in this chat  
5:41 pm

 **plant daddy:** Magnus how are you feeling after that left hook  
5:41 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** bad  
5:42 pm

 **sizzle it up:** PLEASE change your username merle  
5:42 pm

 **plant daddy** changed their name to **i fucked dadnport last night**

 **The Director** **™** **:** oh my god.  
5:43 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** EW GROSS  
5:43 pm

 **sizzle it up:** WHY  
5:43 pm

 **lups opinion:** GOD NO  
5:43 pm

 **sizzle it up:** I’M IN HELL  
5:44 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** I DIDN’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT  
5:44 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** I’M NEW HERE WHAT THE HELL  
5:44 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** guess it’s about time we knew who was fucking who here  
5:45 pm

 **sizzle it up** **changed the group name to: Welcome to Hell**

* * *

**Conversation: i fucked dadnport last night + dadnport**

**i fucked dadnport last night:** hey babe  
5:45 pm

 **dadnport:** Hello, how was work?  
5:46 pm

 **i fucked dadnport last night:** not too bad, there was this old lady who hit on me the entire time tho  
5:47 pm

 **dadnport:** You say that every day.  
5:48 pm

 **i fucked dadnport last night:** she hits on me every day.  
5:48 pm

 **dadnport:** I see.  
5:49 pm

 **dadnport:** Nice job making the kids uncomfortable by the way.  
5:49 pm

 **i fucked dadnport last night:** it’s my job.  
5:50 pm

 **dadnport:** I think you should change your username though.  
5:50 pm

 **i fucked dadnport last night** changed their name to **Earl Merle**

 **dadnport:** Better. I like that.  
5:52 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Gotta go, driving  
5:53 pm

 **Earl Merle:** I’ll see you in a few minutes  
5:53 pm

 **Earl Merle:** <3  
5:53 pm

 **dadnport:** <3  
5:54 pm

* * *

**Conversation: sizzle it up + lups opinion**

**sizzle it up:** LUP  
5:46 pm

 **sizzle it up:** LULU  
5:46 pm

 **sizzle it up:** LUPLUPLUPLUPLUP  
5:46 pm

 **lups opinion:** WHAT  
5:47 pm

 **sizzle it up:** I TALKED TO HIM  
5:48 pm

 **lups opinion:** OH MY GOD YOU TALKED TO HIM  
5:49 pm

 **sizzle it up:** i got his number n everything lup  
5:49 pm

 **sizzle it up:** he’s adorable i won’t last long  
5:50 pm

 **lups opinion:** ‘one night stand’  
5:51 pm

 **sizzle it up:** he was so awkward and flustered lu  
5:51 pm

 **lups opinion:** how hard did u flirt  
5:52 pm

 **sizzle it up:** i turned it up to 11 babe  
5:53 pm

 **lups opinion:** oh yeah he’s defo into u  
5:53 pm

 **lups opinion:** what’s he look like  
5:53 pm

 **sizzle it up:** tall, dark, n handsome  
5:54 pm

 **lups opinion:** u better be careful with those ones  
5:55 pm

 **lups opinion:** u might get attached babe  
5:55 pm

 **lups opinion:** i know how u feel about getting attached  
5:55 pm

 **lups opinion:** just looking out for u brobro  
5:57 pm

 **lups opinion:** Taako?  
6:01 pm

* * *

**Group: Welcome to Hell**

**lups opinion:** everyone text taako he won’t respond to me  
6:02 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** done  
6:03 pm

 **dadnport:** Done.  
6:03 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** done  
6:03 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** done  
6:03 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** done  
6:03 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** done  
6:03 pm

 **sizzle it up:** FUCK OKAY I GET IT  
6:04 pm

 **lups opinion:** thank u for paying attention to me  
6:05 pm

 **lups opinion:** now lup has an opinion  
6:05 pm

 **lups opinion:** i think u should be careful when getting involved with Tall Dark n Handsome  
6:05 pm

 **dadnport:** What?  
6:06 pm

 **lups opinion:** quiet dad I’m lecturing my brother in front of our mutual friends  
6:07 pm

 **dadnport:** Sorry.  
6:08 pm

 **lups opinion** removed **dadnport** from the group

 **lups opinion:** he has been Eliminated  
6:09 pm

 **lups opinion:** anyway  
6:09 pm

 **lups opinion:** i think everyone here will agree that ur safety is very important taako so u should be very careful when talking to/dating cute guys  
6:10 pm

 **lups opinion:** esp rich fuckers like that guy  
6:10 pm

 **lups opinion:** we don’t need a repeat of what happened last year  
6:10 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** amen  
6:11 pm

 **lups opinion:** thank u magnus  
6:11 pm

 **lups opinion:** do u understand me taako  
6:12 pm

 **lups opinion:** taako  
6:16 pm

 **lups opinion:** are u ok  
6:19 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** taako? u ok?  
6:22 pm

 **lups opinion:** fuck i’ll go talk to him  
6:26 pm

* * *

**Conversation: lups opinion + sizzle it up**

**lups opinion:** taako babe come on  
6:26 pm

 **sizzle it up:** what  
6:26 pm

 **lups opinion:** i can hear u crying over there  
6:27 pm

 **sizzle it up:** nope everything’s peachy keen over here  
6:31 pm

 **lups opinion:** ur lying get over here right now  
6:32 pm

* * *

**Group: Welcome to Hell**

**lups opinion:** ok i’m taking care of him  
6:32 pm

 **lups opinion:** sometimes my brother feels real emotions and it sucks  
6:33 pm

 **lups opinion:** he just pinched me and told me he was fine  
6:33 pm

 **lups opinion:** [sent a photo]  
6:35 pm

 **lups opinion:** does this look fine y/n  
6:35 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** he looks like shit is how he looks  
6:36 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Holy shit, what’s wrong  
6:37 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** he looks rough smh  
6:37 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Oh no  
6:37 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** oof  
6:37 pm

 **lups opinion:** he’ll be ok guys, just a little emotional problem  
6:38 pm

 **lups opinion:** he was an idiot and forgot to take his anxiety meds again  
6:38 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Taako you have to remember to take your meds!!  
6:39 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** sending hugs~  
6:39 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** ^  
6:40 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** ^^  
6:40 pm

 **lups opinion:** he says thank u and also fuck u  
6:42 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** fuck u too buddy  
6:43 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Hell yeah fuck you  
6:43 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** fuck all of you!  
6:44 pm

 **lups opinion** added **dadnport** to the conversation

 **dadnport:** What is happening here?  
6:46 pm

 **lups opinion:** emotional support group  
6:47 pm

 **dadnport:** Why was I kicked out of the emotional support group? And why are we all cursing each other out in the emotional support group?  
6:48 pm

 **lups opinion:** u were getting in the way of my speech. also it’s our way of supporting taako in this trying time  
6:49 pm

 **dadnport:** I just read the backlog--why is Taako crying?  
6:52 pm

 **lups opinion:** he had a panic attack  
6:53 pm

 **lups opinion:** he apparently didn’t want me to tell you that  
6:53 pm

 **lups opinion:** he just pinched me  
6:53 pm

**dadnport changed the name of the group to: Taako’s Emotional Support Group**

**lups opinion:** very creative dad  
6:55 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Just got home from work  
6:55 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Who should I throw my fake arm at  
6:56 pm

 **dadnport:** Nobody, dear, except maybe Taako’s emotions.  
6:57 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** if you ever call Merle ‘dear’ on this chat again I’m going to leave  
6:58 pm

 **dadnport:** I cannot believe this.  
6:59 pm

 **dadnport:** This is homophobia. Can’t a man call his husband ‘dear’?  
6:59 pm

 **lups opinion:** no he can’t  
7:00 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Not really no  
7:00 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** I say he can!  
7:01 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** let him say dear 2k17  
7:01 pm

 **lups opinion:** burnsides get these two hooligans under control or get them out of my chat  
7:02 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** sorry lup but i’ve gotta stick with my friends here. let dav say dear 2k17!  
7:03 pm

 **lups opinion** removed **Kill-i-man** from the conversation

 **lups opinion** removed **rufftuffdragon** from the conversation

 **lups opinion** removed **sideburns burnsides** from the conversation

 **lups opinion:** judgement day has fallen upon those who are unworthy in gods eyes to rise to the heavens in glory and favor  
7:06 pm

 **lups opinion:** they will face the fiery forges of hell for all eternity  
7:07 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Lup dear be reasonable.  
7:08 pm

 **lups opinion:** anything for you my handsome hunk of man meat  
7:09 pm

 **lups opinion** added **Kill-i-man** to the conversation

 **lups opinion** added **rufftuffdragon** to the conversation

 **lups opinion** added **sideburns burnsides** to the conversation

 **lups opinion:** they have been Resurrected and Reborn  
7:12 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** I LIVE!!!!!!!  
7:13 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** i'm not sure what just happened  
7:14 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** i think we got kicked out of the chat Care Bear  
7:14 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** oh. Huh  
7:15 pm

 **lups opinion:** sorry my dudes but you were blaspheming  
7:16 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** by saying that a nice gay guy could call his husband dear? i thought that was a great thing for i, a gay, to say  
7:17 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** i agree, i think you were in the wrong to kick us out  
7:18 pm

 **lups opinion:** understandable have a nice day  
7:20 pm

 **lups opinion:** oooh taako just got up i think he’s gonna start making some sweet dinner  
7:20 pm

 **lups opinion:** i’m gonna ask him what’s for eats so we can both taunt you with our excellent cooking while u guys all eat ramen or whatever  
7:21 pm

 **dadnport:** I’m insulted, I am an excellent cook.  
7:22 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Hey remember the summer of 2015  
7:24 pm

 **dadnport:** We promised never to speak of that again.  
7:25 pm

 **lups opinion:** aslkjafsoiwajwj tHE FUCGKKING NOODLES  
7:25 pm

 **dadnport:** We promised!  
7:26 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** he’s right we promised  
7:27 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** doesn’t mean we’re gonna stick to it but we did promise  
7:27 pm

 **lups opinion:** oh yeah taako’s gonna make some sick stirfry here  
7:28 pm

 **lups opinion:** [sent 3 photos]  
7:30 pm

 **lups opinion:** check out those fresh veggies  
7:30 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Ugh that sounds so good, you two are such great cooks  
7:31 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** GOD I’M HUNGRY  
7:31 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** can we come over for dinner?  
7:31 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** yeah can we come over i’m hungry af  
7:32 pm

 **lups opinion:** sorry my guys but there’s just enough food here for me and taako  
7:33 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Lup, as your father I insist you let Dav and I come over for dinner  
7:34 pm

 **lups opinion:** sorry where are the papers saying i belong to you  
7:35 pm

 **lups opinion:** oh right they don’t exist because the very idea is horrifying  
7:36 pm

 **lups opinion:** keep ur plant kinks away from me and my house u nasty  
7:37 pm

 **sizzle it up:** [sent 5 photos]  
7:38 pm

 **sizzle it up:** check out this wok yall  
7:38 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** mmmmmmmmm god i’m starving  
7:39 pm

 **dadnport:** Looks good you two!  
7:39 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** that was the dadliest thing I’ve ever seen posted in this chat  
7:40 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** @dadnport are you lup and taako’s dad?  
7:40 pm

 **dadnport:** Not officially, no, but Merle and I have basically adopted them as our children.  
7:40 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** that’s really sweet  <3 <3 <3  
7:41 pm

 **lups opinion:** you haven’t spent long weekends with the two of them  
7:41 pm

 **sizzle it up:** it’s terrifying  
7:41 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** I have been there, I can vouch for them that long weekends with Merle and Davenport are scary  
7:42 pm

* * *

**Conversation: Nerdcromancer + lups opinion**

**Nerdcromancer:** Hey, how are you doing?  
7:40 pm

 **lups opinion:** im ok. been a long day.  
7:40 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Sorry I never asked earlier.  
7:41 pm

 **lups opinion:** nah babe ur ok. i’m just really tired???? i can’t wait to go to sleep tonight  
7:42 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** im sorry abt ur aunt  
7:44 pm

 **lups opinion:** i know. she raised us from when we were really little. i miss her a lot but. taako misses her more  
7:45 pm

 **lups opinion:** we hadn’t seen her in so long, we were gonna visit her this holiday season  
7:45 pm

 **lups opinion:** it’s really hard barry  
7:46 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Do the others know?  
7:47 pm

 **lups opinion:** no, we’re not gonna tell them till the funeral  
7:47 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Okay. Give Taako a hug for me. It must be really hard on him too  
7:48 pm

 **lups opinion:** will do  
7:48 pm

 **lups opinion:** oh the stir fry’s ready! i’ve gotta help taako. brb  <3  
7:48 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Okay  <3  
7:49 pm

* * *

**Group: Taako’s Emotional Support Group**

**sizzle it up changed the group name to: who needs emotions when you have good food**

**sizzle it up:** [sent 2 photos]  
7:50 pm

 **sizzle it up:** mmmm stirfry  
7:50 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** How do you guys eat dinner so late, I ate like 2 hours ago  
7:50 pm

 **lups opinion:** time is a social construct lucy  
7:51 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Don’t call me Lucy please  
7:51 pm

 **lups opinion:** sorry luc  
7:52 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** same as lucretia, i ate like 2 hours ago but tbh. i’m hungry for ur stirfry  
7:52 pm

 **dadnport:** How is time a social construct?  
7:53 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Humans literally invented the idea of time and the measurements thereof to figure out when they needed to sleep and when they could hunt and stuff. It’s complicated but that’s the basics  
7:54 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Kids these days are so smart and all they do is say ‘such and such is a social construct’ like what next, fears? Literal numbers? Language?  
7:55 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Well, as a matter of fact  
7:55 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Please don’t finish that sentence Barry  
7:55 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** yeah barry please my brain already hurts  
7:55 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** You guys just don’t want to take the time to understand science  
7:56 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** listen barry whoever-you-are it’s not that we don’t want to take the time it’s just that we don’t want to  
7:56 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** what she said ^^  
7:56 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** _Heathens_ _  
_ 7:57 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Hey  @lups opinion  ,   @sizzle it up  ,  are there going to be leftovers?  
7:58 pm

 **sizzle it up:** who’s asking  
7:59 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Your dad  
7:59 pm

 **sizzle it up:** well too bad i don’t have one of those  
8:00 pm

 **lups opinion:** why does said dad want food  
8:00 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Because we like it when you cook but we’re always too busy to actually come over for dinner at a decent time?  
8:01 pm

 **lups opinion:** Maybe next time plant daddy  
8:02 pm

 **sizzle it up:** hey lup pro tip: never call merle that ever again ever  
8:03 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Yes, what he said  
8:03 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** I’m pretty sure my eyes burned out of my skull when I read those two words  
8:04 pm

 **lups opinion:** im sorry guys i wasn’t thinking when i typed that  
8:04

 **dadnport:** Did she literally just call you ‘plant daddy’?  
8:05 pm

 **Earl Merle:** I think she did.  
8:05 pm

 **Earl Merle:** You know what that means?  
8:05 pm

 **Earl Merle:** It means she thinks of me as her dad! I knew it!  
8:06 pm

 **dadnport:** Triumph!  
8:06 pm

 **lups opinion:** nO NO NO DON’T GET THE WRONG FUCKIN IDEA HERE  
8:07 pm

 **sizzle it up:** i am not claiming to be the child of a man who puts vegetables coated in lube back in the refrigerator  
8:07 pm

 **dadnport:** You _what?_  
8:08 pm

 **Earl Merle:** SHIT  
8:08 pm

 **Earl Merle** has left the conversation

 **lups opinion** has added **Earl Merle** to the conversation

 **lups opinion:** you can’t escape us old man  
8:10 pm

 **Earl Merle:** Alright, I accept my fate. Bombard me with ridicule.  
8:11 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** I did not want to know this about you Merle, I’m sorry I had to find out this way  
8:11 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** I ignore my phone for one (1) minute and come back to discover that someone fucks cucumbers?????? God why are my friends like this  
8:12 pm

 **sizzle it up:** would you rather have us or have no friends my guy  
8:12 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** u got me there  
8:13 pm

 **lups opinion:** hey guys it’s been a long day for me and taako here  
8:14 pm

 **lups opinion:** we’re gonna turn in for the night  
8:14 pm

 **sizzle it up:** yeap it’s time to hit the Sleepy Sack  
8:15 pm

 **Earl Merle:** OK, goodnight guys!  
8:16 pm

 **dadnport:** Goodnight!  
8:16 pm

 **sideburns burnsides:** goodnight :)  
8:16 pm

 **Kill-i-man:** night dudes  
8:16 pm

 **rufftuffdragon:** night y’all  
8:16 pm

 **The Director** **™** **:** Sleep well!  
8:17 pm

 **Nerdcromancer:** Goodnight guys! Love you Lup!  <3  
8:17 pm

 **lups opinion:** <3 <3 <3  
8:18 pm

* * *

**Conversation: sizzle it up + Kravitz**

**sizzle it up:** hey  
8:27 pm

 **Kravitz:** Who is this?  
8:32 pm

 **sizzle it up:** it’s taako. we talked earlier today ;)  
8:33 pm

 **Kravitz:** Oh, hello.  
8:33 pm

 **sizzle it up:** ok we have to talk through a few things  
8:34 pm

 **sizzle it up:** 1) u are handsome as FUCK  
8:34 pm

 **sizzle it up:** 2) my sister is always more important than a guy  
8:35 pm

 **sizzle it up:** 3) i am super gay 4 u so do u wanna go out for dinner this weekend  
8:36 pm

 **Kravitz:** I’m flattered, Taako. Of course I’ll go to dinner with you.  
8:37 pm

 **sizzle it up:** there’s this really cute diner near my house called the b.o.b. and i’ve heard good things abt the food.  
8:37 pm

 **sizzle it up:** saturday @ 6 work for u?  
8:38 pm

 **Kravitz:** It works with my schedule.  
8:39 pm

 **sizzle it up:** great, see u there ;-)  
8:40 pm

**Author's Note:**

> Idk if there's gonna be another chapter so I'm going to mark this as complete for now.  
> Don't forget to comment/kudos below and check out my other fics!


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